Everything inside of us has it’s roots in either Love or Fear.
Anxiety, nervousness, shyness, avoidance, stress, anger, upset, fun, likeness, warmth, sweetness, happiness and so on, all are rooted in fear or love. Fear to be judged, fear to be misunderstood, fear to lose something, fear to seem rude, fear to miss an opportunity, fear to be vulnerable, fear to be alone, fear to lose love… and at it’s base this is also love. Love of yourself and lack of confidence, love of life and lack of knowledge, love of someone and fear of hurting them… etc.
Love and fear actually collide in our lives every single day, but the bigger the love of something the worse the collision turns out if you have a hidden fear on that subject. In lack of fears, we have less tension in our lives and we begin to evolve happily. Self-confidence is the one who shakes things up like crazy. When you’re not confident enough that you know what you’re doing that’s when your fears go over the top and affect your every single corner of your being and of your life. Fears are not necessarily conscious ones, they are usually actually subconscious ones that we built in time with all the experiences we had and with various childhood learning that at the time might have seem right but probably isn’t anymore, or that at the time we misunderstood and now, that we can understand it the right way, we are no longer aware of it as it’s hidden in our subconscious mind.
The interesting part is that, most times, this fear and the lack of confidence is actually a reflection of what you think of yourself. The more your subconscious is judging yourself (e.g.: you are judging you!), the bigger the fear. The less you love yourself, the bigger the lack of confidence and judgment towards your own actions.
Of course, you won’t know it, you won’t have a clue what is going on, you’ll just be paralyzed by this fear and hesitation and no reasoning in the world someone else tries to bring to you won’t show you the way. You have to look at yourself, at your thoughts, at your self-talk, the way you pep-talk to yourself when you have to choose something, when something doesn’t happen right or when you make a mistake. This is how you’ll know. How much do you judge yourself in the subconscious for real? Let’s say your name is Bob, when you have a flat tire do you say “well done, Bob!” or “ah, shit happens!” ? When you break a glass do you say “you’re a clumsy bastard, Bob!” or “damn this is slippery!” ? When someone is upset with you do you say “damn, you did it again, Bob!” or “wish I knew what upset this person”? See how you have these thoughts all the time but you don’t pay much attention to them? They are your actual reflection of your self judgment and we’re all doing it!
You may say: I’m gorgeous, I’m smart, I’m funny, I know my shit! But this doesn’t mean you aren’t judging yourself. Deep down, we’re our biggest judges and unfortunately, we are also our WORSE judges. You won’t let anything go when it comes to yourself, but when it’s about someone else you’ll usually (or most times) find a way or a reason to forgive and forget. You can’t however forget what you do, when you fail (or you think you fail), when you hurt someone or when you simply fuck up. Yeah, that’s the truth. Deal with it! But let’s make it clear: failing is not a way of grading yourself. Failing is normal and required process to evolve, learn and understand. Failure is only there to give us a measurement system on life. However, no failure whatsoever can tell you you’re not a good human being. No failure is a reflection of your whole being. No mistake is equivalent to your whole existence and importance in the world or to how good, kind, sweet or lovable you are. The “norms” are not all applicable to everyone and the main reason why they’re called norms is to have a compass on how to steer. Yes, you can steer yourself towards better. You can’t do that if you don’t learn how to steer, right? So, learn to navigate through all your past and future errors, and keep steering no matter how many waves change your course. There’s no straight way to get there.
Look again, pick yourself up and understand that everyone makes mistakes, everyone fucks up every now and then, and it is not the end of the world. It is a good new beginning and it is a way of discovering yourself once more. You had your reasons, you were maybe not aware of everything, you were possibly just tired or too much into your thoughts to know that there’s other things to consider, or you simply basically did something wrong. You need to let it go. What’s done is done, what’s not yet done can be done in a number of ways and it’s your power to make them happen right. You can do it as you want, with one condition: Stop judging yourself for what is no more there! Stop questioning your capabilities, your skills, your reasons, your whole ideals or moods. You are gorgeous, you are smart, you are skilled and you can learn anything you want to! Try, and if you don’t succeed right away, try again and again, and again. That is learning! That is self-development and that is how you move on and progress in life.
Life will always have ups and downs, your biorhythm will always have ups and downs. Your knowledge will always have ups and downs, but your heart will know what’s right for you in that moment. And even if that moment is not your whole life, you can change things once they are no longer right. Love yourself for everything you did, good or bad, right or wrong. Love yourself cause you wouldn’t be yourself otherwise. You wouldn’t know the bad from the good, you wouldn’t see the love behind the fear, you wouldn’t find the light in the dark. You are an amazing being that has the power to do a lot of good and a lot of bad. But you can choose and you can adjust and choose again and again, until you have it right. You will do bad things too, no question to that, but that doesn’t mean you’re any less worthy of doing good, that you’re any less able of doing what you hope. Love your every single emotion and every single choice. And if you see something wasn’t right, simply change that. Don’t judge, as we are not able to judge ourselves objectively. Never! So the only option is to stop judging and start living. Be with yourself just like you are with others… and see how your life changes!
Sending love and light to everyone! 🙂 You deserve it!
Happy New Year and Happy new you!